| why? |
[14 Oct 2008|09:22am] |
A friend of mine posted something about gender.
And honestly, I think I'm part of the group whose choice of preference is predetermined by gender. -_-'
I admit I've had a habit of distinguishing the pretty girls (in and out) to the not so...
And I always end up making a deeper connection with those I get acquainted with. But when a guy gets in the picture, even if his ideals, personality and interests don't coincide much with mine, you just get drawn to the attention he gives you.
Baing "ignored" for a sem made me see how better off I am without a guy. My tendency to be sweet and affectionate is just a waste of my time and energy. I've even forgotten why I bother to do so much when it hurts me more in the end.
The thing is, I'm not bitter. I am neither sad nor angry. I'm numb. 0_o I can't feel anything towards that person. Perhaps I've finally accepted that I don't need him.
I've been wanting to be with him for so long that I'm not even sure why I wanted him in the first place.
Instinct? Could it be a biological thing to want to be with someone? Not just the sex and reproduction but.. the mere attraction you get. What if you eliminate that? Will you still want to be with someone you have nothing in common with?
I thought I wanted the diversity and the mystery of it all. But I wake up everyday to the same mystery without any progress. In the three years we've known each other, we remain with the same brittle connection we've had since the first year.
I guess it really isn't as profound as I hoped it to be.
and overrated relationship brought about by the pressure and norms of society.
A mutual understanding should stay a mutual understanding.
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| outburst of self-centered childish kai. I'll try not to be reasonable about this. |
[11 Sep 2007|06:21pm] |
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I just remembered...
When a person does not make an effort to talk, that doesn't mean he or she has a problem with you...
But what if that person has always been the one annoying you to laughter every chance he gets?
What if that person takes the same jeep you do but refuses to go together?
What if you enjoy talking to that person so much and now he/she acts like you were invisible?
*sigh*
I just don't think saying you aren't mad is enough.
Am I really that a burden to have around???
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| crashing planes |
[11 Sep 2007|05:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
WBiL. |
] |
twin towers crashed.
*sob*
I can be so emo sometimes...
*sighs*
(To update my sister, i shall describe my situation. =p)
I find UP and chem hectic.
So, when you are in such situations, you turn to friends... (in the block. Nik has been bothered enough... and she needs a break from my dependence on her. *wink* )
The first few weeks, I hung-out with this Korean blockmate named YB. And he was pretty okay to have around.
Until he got to sentimental and emotional about everything.
About grades, friends, life, family... you name it, he'll say something to about it to get you down.
Did I mention that he's a pretentious arrogant self-centered kid? (kid, as in, "Waaah.. Why don't I over perfect math???!!")
So, I was slowly getting annoyed.
Then one fun day, I tell him I have a crush on my other blockmate, jomel. Since I freely use that word to mean admiration, I thought nothing of what I said...
Alas, the little boy, aka YB got too..... unbearable with his poking, commenting and obviously nudging me towards said crush.
To avoid YB, I went to jomel. Hahaha.. Mainly because he was comfortable to be with.
Okay, key to understanding kai, I tend to get crushes on people whom I am sure will NEVER consider looking at me as a potential girlfriend or crush. So, I had NO INTENTION of getting him to like me. I just enjoyed the sensible conversation and the intellectual rebuttals which always shunned me to silence before we parted every other day.
The thing is, I think I've gotten so used to having him around....
I mean, I know he likes my blockmate, liean, and I like that fact. It's the way he lights up when he talks to her that really gats me to think, "awww..."
But to have him choose to commute alone instead of going together, not even try to annoy me, and to ignore me completely is just so sad....
*sighs*
I miss having him as close friend who I can annoy like I annoy nik.
Attachment sucks.....
And at the end of the sem, I won't even get to hang out with him before he leaves for Davao.
*sad kai*
~end of emotional kai
Thank you and stay tuned for the next senti moment. =p
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| months. |
[06 Sep 2007|07:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
high.*misses cz,japy,anna,andy |
] |
That's how long it's been.
But the frustration has to get out.
Sooner or later.
~
I hate a certain someone.
I admire a certain someone.
But I think I love a certain someone....
X_x
The most despicable and annoying person I loathe.... is pretty pathetic.
Well, there's no question that he gets too close than normal/approprite and acts like a new born baby who cries without reason.
Oh, wait, my bad... he's worse. (mind you, babies have a reason when they cry.)
He's a big old sissy compared to the gayest guy alive. Sometimes I even wonder if he really is a guy...
The poking, talking, sharing of feelings and holding of arms hs to stop!!!
It's just disturbing.
Call me arrogant for thinking he has an underlying motive but... as friend pointed out, it's hard not to see him that way.
A pretending-to-be-naive-emo-perv.
Hahaha... I wish he stopped existing for the good of the world.
and that's enough time wasted on him. ^_^
Now..... The someone I'm somewhat involved with, well, as sad as it sounds to admit it, I think it's the real mutual thing.
I know he isn't the guy I pictured but... He's too perfect a partner.
And a friend pointed out that liking him for that is me being cruel.
Btw, this friend I keep mentioning, that's the 3rd certain someone.
Hahahaha....
I really really have come to like him...
He's just so logical. He keeps reminding me how out-of-this-world my thoughts are...
Not to mention, he's just so poised. (That is, in whatever he does.)
And he's such a patient mentor!
The way he handles things.... *sigh* the indifference and practicality blows me away....
Finally.....
He really doesn't see me the same way. And there's no chance for that EVER to happen...
And that makes it more interesting... *smiles*
The clandestine chase.
Lol...... The degree of happiness I feel when I get to spare a few minutes to talk with him is just...
incomparable.
I've never felt so incoherent. HAHAHA. ^_^
I am weird...+_+
I'm so glad my beloved Nik still stays with me. =p
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| tattered shirt= inevitable rag |
[07 Feb 2007|05:42pm] |
|
`,
I've told you a hundred times.
You never listen.
There are just somethings you'll never be good at.
`,
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| Blue! |
[24 Sep 2006|08:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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overly awed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tuliro -SC |
] |
Gyahaha...
Admu!
Kramer+Escalona= *worship*
Did you see that?
That amazing second?
Gah... almost all quarters were tight as hell!
Ateneo rocks!!!
*prays I pass*
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[21 Aug 2006|10:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the noisy fan behind me |
] |
Exam results: BAD
This has been the worst quarter I've had since... forever.
I didn't faile anything but... I'me not exactly at the top of the ladder...
Sure, I passed physics and AA... but why I did (in physics) is a mystery. Shotgun fest sa 10 items nung test.
Second quarter, here I come!
Haha.. Centennial celebration na!
Tiring everyday practices... yay?
Haaaaai...
On the bright side, the sem break's not that far away. hehehe
I miss summer. ;P
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[23 Jul 2006|07:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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not sure... but it's Great! |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Tango Maureen |
] |
Scap book.
Weeeeeeeeeeee!:D
Who would've thought my 16th birthday would be better than all my previous birthdays put together??? (Excluding those I can't remember.ΓΌ)
Yeah, simplicity has its perks.
So in a word, what really made it extra special was....
Friends.
Remembering was all that mattered.
Thank you. *smiles*
I'm lucky to have every single one of you.
Lalo na dun sa mga 'di ko nakikita sa school...
Mas nakakamiss tuloy. hehe
May the phrase "Older and wiser" have even a speck of truth in it for me.
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| sundays.... |
[16 Jul 2006|11:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
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modal. haha |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Today for You |
] |
It's been a while.
I have this routine I do every sunday...
First I ruin my entire family's morning with a wake-up call.
Then, I terrorize them more by reminding them of the time...
Soon enough, I get pissed and stay silent till they all get downstairs with only 15 mins of mass left.
When they feel my burning wrath enveloped in silence, they search for some other church to attend mass.
After the mass, I'm pretty much perky and smiley...
Hah.
And today's a Sunday.
Only difference is, we might not go to mass since it'll end in 10 mins....
And my sister wonders why we're not that spiritually oriented...
Shouldn't couples be more willing to attend mass on their anniversary?
Tsk...
Figures.
My parents are always an exception.
Well, the good thing is, they've been together for 18 years!
Heehee... I hope it doesn't end there.
++++
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[04 Jun 2006|03:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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heavenly and satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
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For Good |
] |
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